Fifty Shades of Lame

Normally, I don't follow the crowd.  I don't have to see the latest blockbuster in theaters when it comes out at midnight on a school night.  I don't wait in line for hours to pick up the latest gadget.  I don't read books like Twilight or Lord of the Rings.  I don't watch primetime TV (although, I will watch reruns on Netflix if I get hooked  - ex. Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice).  I'm not sure why this is the case, I guess I just like blaze my own trail.  Anyway, when Facebook became inundated with posts about the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, I was indifferent.  That was until I read reasons why people weren't reading it, then I became intrigued.  I also read that hardware stores were having trouble keeping rope on the shelf, which I really don't understand because the characters never even used it.  I picked up my handy Kindle Fire and went to the book store.  Then I found they wanted $9.99 for one book.  Um.  No.  Fortunately, I have a friend who is even more resourceful than I am and she sent me the whole series.  I set to work to see what all the hype was about.

First, the good (sort of).  It kept me interested at first but it seemed to follow the law of diminishing returns.  The more I read, the less interested I became.  The author tried to come off as a sesquipedalian (aka user of big words) and I think my vocabulary expanded slightly.  It was almost as though she overused her thesaurus and underused it at the same time.  Anyway, this is supposed to be the good.  The book was about BDSM, which is very obviously why so many understimulated housewives are enjoying it.  They have an inner freak similar to Ana's inner goddess. Some of the sex scenes she described were entertaining, but they lost their spunk a few hundred pages into the book.  The romance was thick.  I can see how people would like to read about handsome billionaires lavishing an ordinary mortal with houses in Aspen, condos in New York, Audis, diamonds, expensive vacations, and Christian Louboutins.  I get it.

The bad.   There was absolutely no plot.  It kind of felt like I was just reading Ana's blog.  The author has got to be laughing about this all the way to the bank.  James does throw in a few good sub-plots that kept me turning the pages like the time the ex-submissive Leila held a gun to Ana and the time Ana's ex-boss Hyde demanded ransom for Christian's sister.  The problem?  It only lasted a couple of pages and the solution was entirely predictable.  As for a climax (insofar as stories go), there was no major climax in any book.  It was just a flat storyline.  Not only that, the story wasn't even believable.  Their romance blossomed at a freakishly quick pace.  She needed her ass whooped, and not by him, for moving so quickly with a man.

More bad.  The redunancy was so annoying.  Ana and Christian were constantly fighting and having makeup sex.  GAG ME (metaphorically speaking).  Not only was the story repetitive, but James used the same five sentences to rehash the same story lines OVER AND OVER.  The book was on repeat.  I never had trouble turning off my Kindle to go to bed at night.  To me, that is the measure of a good read...whether you can't put the thing down at night.  I could.  Her prose was terrible.  I've seen autistic monkeys with better communication skills.  I was more distracted by that than anything else.  She also had a hard time with writing in the first person.  We never knew Christian quite like we knew Ana.  The ways she told us about him was through emails (FOR REAL).  She also made us read the dominant/submissive contract TWO agonizing times to give us a glimpse into his world.  At the end, when she realized she had written something totally unbelievable into the story (Ana withdrawing five million bucks for ransom) she just wrote a separate chapter that described a phone conversation Christian had with the banker.  Really?  Lame.  Then at the end she tells the story of Ana and Christian meeting (again), but this time from Christian's POV.  After spending hundreds of pages making the reader want to like Christian, she finishes by making him look like a complete douchebag.

Anyway, I'm done bagging on that book.  I guess this is why I don't follow trends.  I am far too cynical to enjoy them.

Note: I'm not offended by you calling me educated.

I am something of a political activist on Facebook.  I tend to express my opinions on issues when I feel so compelled.  For some reason, people get their panties in a wad about this.  I try my best to be polite and not snarky but in response (if people have to balls to respond) people try to insult me by accusing me of thinking I am smarter than them.  Still others go and post statuses about me (on the downlow) in attempts to belittle me!  Two in particular that I find the most amusing - one girl called me "overeducated" and one lamented that I think I know everything because I am virtually a "professional student."  Since when is the pursuit of educational attainment a bad thing?  And does it not come with the territory that I should be intelligent since I have a lot of university training?  I mean, should I have gotten dumber?  Someone else insinuated that I was a moron who was indoctrinating students.  All because I have an opinion that I voice based on facts that I have researched.  This is nothing revolutionary or radical.  Okay, I'm sleepy.

Send a weiner Tweet, lose a Weiner seat.

I'm not a politician.  I'm not even in a position of power, save the one I occupy alongside my husband here in my humble abode.  However, I would think that if I were one of the 435 members of the House of Representatives I could refrain from Tweeting a picture of my weinerprint to a young college coed that I didn't even know.  This is the picture that has been plastered across the TV for the past several days.

What reputable woman really wants to see this, even for the novelty of being attached to a Congressman?  If you want to impress me, vote against the Bush tax cuts.  Don't Tweet me your weiner.

As ridiculous and embarassing as this is for Anthony Weiner, I still think he should be sitting in Congress.  Don't get me wrong, he should not have done this.  He is guilty of a serious lapse in judgment.  Certainly he recognized the risks.  A fellow Congressman, Chris Lee, JUST resigned after he put a far less raunchier pictures on Craigslist.

Then again, Weiner (whose debaucle has spawned enough double entendres to fill the space currently occupied by his apparently huge ego) had reason to feel secure despite his woeful indiscretions.  The case of Republican Senator David Vitter set a precedent that our Congressmen can get out of a nasty scandal virtually unscathed.  After all, this DOMA defender, Clinton impeach advocate, and Christian family man with a fetish for diapers was busted in the DC madam scandal back in 2007 but kept his seat.  He hired a prostitute!  But God forgave him and hence, so did we.  Oh, the hypocrisy.

Sure, Vitter's scandal was several years ago.  But is there a statue of limitations on unethical activities?  Especially when he hired a prostitute!  Weiner resigned over sending a lewd photo in a Tweet.  Was it stupid?  Yes.  Unethical?  Perhaps.  Illegal?  No.

I have my own opinions for why Weiner's weiner brought so much press.  There were photos and photos are sensational.  Twitter is relevant.  He sent a sensational photo over a popular form of social media.  This was a tangible scandal.  Plus, his last name is Weiner.

I will admit that I am annoyed about the resignation (and his actions that preceded it) because I support the Democrats.  They had so much momentum after the death of Osama bin Laden and the election of Kathy Hochul in the NY 26.  (Speaking of which, why IS all the scandal from New York?  Can't that state just secede from the Union or something?)  The Republicans are bats and the Democrats are level headed and unified...until recently.    They certainly didn't need such an unnecessary distraction.

For the sake of humanity, let's hope Weinergate is a thing of the past.